The Power of Forgiveness
On the surface, choosing forgiveness can feel deeply unsatisfying, especially when revenge seems far more appealing. After all, it’s easy to imagine ways to get back at those who have hurt us, but far more challenging to consider simply letting it go.
Many people extol the beauty of forgiveness as a virtue, but what they often overlook is the cost involved.
Forgiveness requires us to bear a wound inflicted by someone else. When we are hurt, our natural instinct is to hurt back, often more severely, and call it “getting even.” But what we’re really seeking is revenge.
Yet, revenge is a false justice. We may tell ourselves that the other person deserved it, and for a moment, it might feel satisfying. However, revenge only perpetuates a cycle of pain. We give in to this impulse, thinking it will bring closure, but it only fuels an endless spiral of hurt.
For some, though, revenge isn’t the answer; instead, they hold onto their hurt, nursing a grudge rooted in their refusal to forgive. We convince ourselves that by withholding forgiveness, we maintain control over the situation, but in reality, it only imprisons us.
Forgiveness is hard, but it’s the path we’re called to take.
Forgiveness isn’t just about letting go; it’s about absorbing the offense ourselves, releasing the claim we feel entitled to. In the Bible, Jesus tells a story about a master who forgives his servant an enormous debt, a debt that could never be repaid. This kind of forgiveness comes at a personal cost to the forgiver.
Similarly, Jesus took on the pain, shame, and brokenness of the world. This radical kind of forgiveness—this willingness to suffer—is what we are invited to emulate. It might seem impossible to bear the wrongs committed against us, but we’re reminded that forgiveness has already been made possible for us through the cross. Justice has been satisfied, even if it doesn’t feel like it at times.
Still, even knowing this, the act of forgiving can be agonizing. Many of us know the struggle of forgiving someone who has deeply hurt us. It can feel like tearing your soul in two. But in those moments, we encounter a presence that understands our pain—a reminder that we are not alone in our suffering.
Theologian Nadia Bolz-Weber in her blog Enjoy Your Fogiveness even says that in forgiving others, as hard as it is, it is part of who we are as Christians: “But in Christ who they really are is forgiven and who you really are is forgiven. And I’m so sorry to be the one to say it, but so is everyone you resent. Which at first sounds awful. But to know that in the kingdom of God there is pardon for you and for me and for everyone who has ever hurt us is true freedom…”
Forgiveness is a path of liberation, both for the one who hurt us and for ourselves. Through forgiveness, we let go of the chains that bind us and experience a sense of freedom.
We may suffer as we forgive, but in that suffering, we come closer to understanding the heart of forgiveness, discovering a peace that goes beyond retribution. So may we find the courage to forgive and, in doing so, find freedom for ourselves and others.
Nadia Bolz-Weber offers this blessing for freedom to forgive ourselves and others from her blog The Corners:
So, beloveds, may you forgive yourselves.
May you forgive yourselves for not learning Italian.
May your forgive yourself for your worst parenting moments.
May you forgive yourself for all the times you didn’t stand up for yourself.
May your forgive yourself for what you had to do to survive.
May you forgive yourself for the things you did when you just didn’t yet have the wisdom to do better.
May you forgive yourselves for the times you were a volunteer but you felt like a victim.
May you forgive yourself for giving pieces of your heart away to things and people and institutions that could never love you back.
May you forgive yourself for the jealousy you feel when you see others on social media look amazing and do amazing stuff and have amazing sex lives and have amazing times with their amazing friends. I know some of those people – I promise, it’s mostly bs anyway.
And if you are anxious and think you can’t do it, I understand. But also, you’re wrong.
Be brave, friends. But also, be gentle.
We’re all new at this part.