Mirror, Mirror

(PG) Roadshow DVD/BD

So I’m sitting here trying to describe the movie I just saw and the same two words keep coming to mind: utterly pointless.

I wanted to like this movie. Wait … No, that’s a lie. I always knew it was doomed to fail and, let’s be honest, the Snow White adaptation we are all really looking forward to is Snow White and the Huntsman — Kristen Stewart or not, there is something about the promise of a familiar fairy tale given a dark, gritty spin.

Mirror, Mirror isn’t dark or gritty in the slightest. It’s bright, glossy and manufactured.

Interestingly, there is a moment right near the end where Snow tells the Prince, “I’ve read so many stories where the Prince saves the Princess. It’s time we change that ending.” This is a nice enough idea that the movie definitely does not follow. There is nothing unique or game changing whatsoever about this gaudy myriad of clichés.

Joined by a band of rogue dwarves (played by rather amusing, real-life dwarf actors, which is nice), sweet-as-pie Snow White (Lily Collins) must rescue her kingdom from her wicked stepmother, the Queen (Julia Roberts). Meanwhile, the in-debt Queen plans to marry the younger, richer and rather goofy Prince Alcott (Armie Hammer), who is, of course, really in love with Snow White.

Julia Roberts seems the most comfortable here and Nathan Lane is great as her advisor.

As for the younger leads, while this will probably serve as a nice career boost for the relatively unknown Collins, it could do the opposite for Armie Hammer. Superb as the Winklevoss twins (yes, he played both of them — what a guy, right?) in The Social Network and fresh from co-starring with Leonardo DiCaprio in Clint Eastwood’s recent J. Edgar, I really don’t know what he thinks he’s doing here. Sure, he looks the part as the Prince. But so did James Marsden, who really nailed this kind of character already in Enchanted (a similar, but far superior movie in many ways).

A few of the moments between Hammer and Roberts are actually quite funny. They are, after all, both great actors. But a sword “fight” between the Prince and Snow made me want to rip the swords out of their hands and gouge my eyes out with them.

Extreme? Maybe a little. But these are two extremely attractive individuals. We should be aching for them to love and fight. But we’re not. Because we’ve seen it all before. Snore.

Jasmine Edwards