Clash of the Titans

(M) Warner DVD/BD

Paying no mind to the first commandment decreed by the Almighty, this lame remake of a fondly remembered (but undeniably dodgy) 1980s fantasy schlocker suggests Greek gods exist and, led by Mount Olympus bossman Zeus, they played games with mere mortals back in ye olde times.

Where God came to Earth in human form to establish our only path to salvation, Clash of the Titans tells how Zeus chose to use a visit to our planet so he could have his way with a woman. After she birthed his son, Perseus, he killed her.

Half-god, half-man Perseus somehow escaped his dad’s lethal parenting and, as scrappy and crappy Clash of the Titans demonstrates, he grows into an adult battler who fights witches, Medusa and sea-beast The Kraken to protect his people from the wrath of the gods.

Everything you heard was true about how this film had an ugly and “cheap” 3D look on the big screen. With this visual flaw being of less importance in your home theatre, what should take more prominence is how straight-faced and dull this supposed rollicking adventure actually is.

Had the effects, acting, script and action been better, you might rightly have been concerned about how some impressionable viewers might believe that Greek gods could be the powers which control our world. Thanks to Clash of the Titans’ poor form, these mythic puppet-masters hardly inspire more than chuckles or groans.

Ben McEachen is the reviews editor of Empire Magazine